My baby girl is not a baby anymore. She's 6 and starting the first grade tomorrow. This post is straight from the heart...I'm processing.
In so many ways I look at Adriah and I know she's ready. She is a beautiful kind-hearted child with a great head on her shoulders. She's ready, but am I? I look at her and I already miss her. I want to keep her all to myself. Kindergarten was okay because I had her all morning, but now she's gone all day. I feel like I'm handing her over...giving her away.
I feel something I haven't felt before. The feeling of: have I done enough? Does she know who she is? and who she is not?
-I'm sad about missing all of her "ahhh, I get it!" moments.
-Seeing her push through on a project and shine when she does.
-Watching her help her siblings.
-Learn from her. Talk with her. Hold her...whenever I want!
A friend of mine came across something that is helping me process...It's from a book called "A Beautiful Offering" by Angela Thomas.
"When a woman has a kingdom heart, she has an active understanding of what matters most to the heart of God. She lives in the balance of passion and contentment. She learns to love well, give without regard to self, and forgive without hesitation. The woman with a kingdom heart may have a duffel bag full of possessions or enough treasures to fill a mansion, but she has learned to hold them with an open hand. Hold everything with open hands. I don't think we are ever allowed to grab hold of anything or anyone as though they matter more than the kingdom of heaven. When you hold relationships with open hands, then people come in and out of your life as gifts of grace to be cherished and enjoyed, not objects to be owned and manipulated. And then when you hold your dreams with open hands, you get to watch God resurrect what seemed dead and multiply what seemed small."
I have to trust that I have poured out my heart, values, thoughts into her and now she needs to walk it out. Of course I'll always be here. I'm going to be her biggest cheerleader for the rest of her life. We'll keep walking together. When she falls or gets pushed down...I will be there to pick her up. She's my baby. The first of my three precious gifts from the Lord!